Stress and fear is creeping in

Days go by and exam days are getting closer. got back most of the test result. Bad report upon bad report. Some days, I thinking how can I survive in the long run. By I always believe God have a plan and a purpose for me and I know I can pull through it with God. I am living with his strengh and not mine.

God have you forgotten me? God I am here. God please help me! God can you hear my cry?


Thinking why did I put myself in these situation. But I know is God plans and I always trusting Him, He have not forsacken me. He is working on me. You will be the centre in everything I have.

I am just tired and burn out.

Currently enrolling in NTU Mechanical Engineering is something I look forward before I enrolling. However the day when the school start. my worst nightmare have just began. Work load keep adding and the teaching style does not fit me as well. I feel that this place is not belowing to me.

I thought I have found my support in my life. However, I feel that I am the want keep supporting and get nothing in return. Just feel that I can't give her what she wants and she just can't give me what I want. I know she loves me. I love her to. However, we are just different. I always wanted to be myself. However, in a relationship only one can be themselves. I decided let her be. I will change cause of her. I willing to do it. Cause I know she is not willing if I be myself. I always wanted to be myself have my own opinion, but alwas end up with angier all the time. She wants people to listen to her, but she doesn't want to listen to others. In her eyes, is there others? or is it the world just revolve around her?

If one day she decided to leave me, will I willing to let her go? Am I in a wrong relationship?

GOD OF MY FOREVER (Lyrical Video)

This song never fail to touch my heart.

Everything I do is what the song have said.

The reason I stay, the reason I can pull through.

No matter how people see me or treat me, I will always still love God and his people.

People may not agree or some may come againest me. Cause it doesn't matter to me at all.

All it's matter is at the end of the day God you will say "well done my great and faithful survent."



God, I have given my youth. You called me and took me over.

Your love have seen me through. Your grace had brought me where I am today.

I lay down on your altar, tell the world the what you had done for me.

Lesson Learn

In the world, you cannot rely on anyone. Inclding the one you really love or trust. Because you never know one day they will just change their heart and turn against you. You only can rely on yourself and God. Cause no one cares about you as much as yourself.

I totally give up.

maybe

Maybe I just don't love her enough.
Maybe I am not good enough.
Maybe I am not the one.
Maybe I am on the fault.
Maybe we should not be together.
Maybe I should let her go...

What should I do now?

Past 2 days, the same girl have make my heart drop to the bottomless pit. I don't know what I want now and I do not know what should I do. Is my thinking to immature? Or I give her too much freedom? 
Sometimes the things she wanted I unable to give her. Isit her expectation is too high? Or just I unable to reach her standard?
I keep thinking what will be the best solution for the two of us. But I unable to think of anything.
This two days my head keep thinking about the negative stuff. I really on the verge want to break up with her. If I can't help her and be there for her, let other guy do it. Cause if I can't do it, let other do it. That's the best solution I can think of. I am just holding myself back cause I know if I leave her now, she will not make it for her exchange and she will continue to do the wrong think. I guess I must wait till she come back so that at least she got her family to take care of. 
My heart really die.

Third Day

Is the third day I make her cry again. My whole intention is to make her happy but end up to be a sad story. Sometimes I really think I am really not the guy that make her happy. But if you ask me do I love her. I will say I do. But I am a guy that can't bring happiness to her. What is the point? When two people are together, they suppose to be happy. Yes there always be ups and downs. But seems like if this dirk decided to hold my hand and walk with me, there will be only downs. And is really heart breaking for me and I believe for you too. Sorry for not good with my words. My English not that good. But I will work hard on it. At the mean time, you can keep a look out. I know you don't wan to hear this. But if you want to let go your hold on me I will not blame you. I only can blame myself. You able to tolerate me with 4 mth is a big miracle already. Time spend with you always so good and desirable. Thanks for choosing me rather than other guys. I also don't know why you choose me. Like you rather take a stone then silver and gold. Maybe you mistake me as silver when I am just a stone. See wrongly. 

If you don't want cry anymore let me know. I will grant your wish. Cause I don't want you shade a tears cays of me anymore. Totally not worth it. Should find someone willing to treasure more than me . Understand you more than me. Able to communicate better than me. Sorry if I let you down.






Really in love with this girl!